highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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