If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
