he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
