I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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