the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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