Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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