I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
