"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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