Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize