i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can Purell be used as lube?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize