my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
