She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
