vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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