I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
