i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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