Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
