she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
