she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
