There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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