My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
