dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
