She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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