It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
