haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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