I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
