I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize