Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
