Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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