I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole