When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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