I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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