I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.