Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.