My cat gives me a boner
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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