my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
