i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
