I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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