I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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