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Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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