I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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