There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
