they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
