my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
