WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
