The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
