whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
