What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
