Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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