my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
