So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The uberlube is also flammable
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
