I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
