i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
