if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Houston, we have a blender
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
