Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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