I think i peed on brittanys purse
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
