Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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