Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
