Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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