he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
