i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
