I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize