When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The feeling are messing with the penis
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
