is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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