Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
