Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
